CREATIVE PIECE: Resilience/Burnout and Recovery/Renewal: 2 poems and reflection
These two poems were written at the bookends of a challenging period in my life, where changes to my home and work resulted in burnout and time for reflection. I explore how I used poetry to understand my experiences during the recovery process by considering how creativity supported “meaning-making” (Younie 2011).
During the challenging period, poetry allowed me to make sense of the events and gain some perspective. In both poems, using a narrative voice allowed me to separate the experiences and feelings and gain some analytic distance, using tools from my work as a qualitative researcher. Poetry aided my recovery by providing different ways to see the lived experiences.
In the first poem, it was helpful to without re-experiencing the associated strong emotions of pain, grief and anger that I felt at the time. I could see the absurdity of holding onto the mantra of resilience, when life was hard and changed by external factors outside of my control. The structure of the poem deliberately uses repetition to underscore the pressure that is felt by doctors to be resilient when working under pressure. The responses escalate in severity to demonstrate the effect of chronic work stressors, which ultimately have an impact on the home life and mental wellbeing.
The second poem was inspired by the knitting that I had started as a creative outlet during my recovery. I found the repetitive nature of starting and finishing small projects with low stakes outcomes both comforting and joyful. The poem has a deliberate rhythm to emphasise that we all need to start again sometimes and in working through the process, we are learning. Recovery for me felt like an active process, where I learnt to cope with small setbacks, then larger ones. I reduced the fear and pressure to perform associated with perfectionism and it showed me that I could get up, recovery and start again.
Sharing these experiences as poetry with a wider audience feels risky and there are dangers of exposing one’s feelings for critical review. However I feel there is more to be gained by sharing the experience to connect with others. I hope that poem one might inspire recognition and as a prompt to have more honest conversations about the effects of chronic stressors, acting as an emotional barometer. Poem two instead aims to inspire hope in recovery after challenging times.
References
YOUNIE, L. 2011. A reflexive journey through arts-based inquiry in medical education. Doctor of Education, University of Bristol.
Resilience/Burnout
I have resilience…
…Even though the servers crashed again
I have resilience…
…Even though someone’s gone and nicked my pen
I have resilience…
…Even though trolleys crowd the corridor
I have resilience…
…Even though my pager’s bleeped some more
I have resilience…
…Even though the systems breaking down
I have resilience…
…Even though there are no beds around
I have resilience…
…Even though I haven’t peed
I have resilience…
… I hope I have no other urgent need
I have resilience…
…Even though my divorce is going through
I have resilience…
…Even though my son is nearly two
I have resilience…
…Even though my house is for sale too
I have resilience…
…Even though my period is overdue
I have resilience…
…Even though I just can’t care
I have resilience…
…Even though it’s all too much to bear
Recovery/Renewal
Knit one, purl one, slip one, turn one
Follow the patterns instructions
Sew up the selvedges
Darn in the ends
Repeat and start again
Knit one, purl one, slip one, turn one
A dropped stitch seen in the design
Unpick the coloured threads
Unravel the yarn
Repeat and start again
Knit one, purl one, slip one, turn one
Mistakes can be easily made
But pick up the stitches
Salvage and save
Repeat and start again